In Honor of Molly
Here is some vast foolishness sent to me by my Irish friend, Adrian Cunningham. I knew Molly would be howling with laughter…and most likely kept a copy of these on her desk, no doubt. These are, I believe, real Texas laws. Enjoy on behalf of Molly!
When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
You can be legally married by publically introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.
It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don’t need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
It is illegal to milk another person’s cow.
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.
Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.
Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University .
It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind.
It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.
It’s illegal to possess realistic dildos.
Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons “of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them.”
Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.
It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.
It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays.
Dogs must be on a leash at ALL times. Fine of 100 dollars.
It is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer while standing.
It is illegal to drive within an arm’s length of alcohol – including alcohol in someone else’s blood stream.
It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.
Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator.
It is now illegal to place a “for sale” sign on a car if it visible from the street.
It is illegal to do “U Turns”.
It is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands.
It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo .
No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square.
You can ride your horse in the saloon.
Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot.
Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights.