This is the THIRD time I have written this entry because in my mommy fatigue fog I keep hitting the wrong button and deleting every word!
So, let’s hope this one makes it…
Went to Schultz’s Beer Garden. Sang at the benefit for Chris Gage, a musician who was injured and needed financial assistance. So many great musicians came out to donate their services, and the place was packed. Ray Wylie Hubbard, Eliza Gilkinson, Slaid Cleves, Danny Britt, and on and on…
When I sang “Simply”, I asked all the couples present to slow dance, like it was prom night, and that Chris and Christine (Chris’ wife) were the king and queen…for everyone to dance for Chris. The floor was packed, and Bradley Kopp hopped up to play guitar with me…it was so romantic and loving, the bodies swaying while I sang into the dark of the night…To see so many couples, happy and holding one another, it really moved my heart.
I think the event must have raised over $10,000 easily. I hope so. Insurance is nearly impossible for so many people to afford nowadays, and even when you have it, like I do, the deductibles are so high, you are paying out the wazoo for every time you go to the doctor AND paying the insurance company.
I have SAG (Screen Actors Guild), which I have because of tv/commercial work. However, several years ago, I was dropped about one month before Lily broke her arm. It was frightening. The one time we needed hospital coverage, and it was suddenly gone (because I hadn’t been able to get enough commercial work…that is why Daisy Sour Cream is so important to me and my family…God, I pray I pass the audition again! We find out, hopefully, by the end of the week.) Coverage was ours again once I had enough commercial work, but what if I get dropped again? I’ve been looking online, and everything is just so expensive. What about all the families without musicians for friends to throw them a benefit? How are they coping? How did this insurance system become such a radical nightmare?
Well, back to Sunday night….
After I left the gig, I was headed south on Congress, and I spied two young girls at a bus stop. One looked about 15, the other seemed, astonishingly, about 8. Then I saw the older girl hand the younger girl a cigerette, and light it while it was in her mouth! I found a turnaround and headed the van back in their direction, pulling up next to them, popping on my flashers, and walked over to them pleading, “Please don’t let that little girl smoke. Please…”
The older girl protested that she hadn’t been smoking, but I said that I had seen her. I walked back to my car feeling confused and dejected. Maybe I hadn’t seen it right, should I be offering them a ride, where were their parents, why were they out on a Sunday night, alone, at 9:30 in downtown Austin…
all these questions were storming my brain.
I drove on, and at the next intersection was a homeless man, dancing in the halo of the streetlight, signing himself with the cross, fingers across his chest…
There was something so melancholy about the whole evening. I just wanted to bawl my eyes out.
At times like that, I just feel overwhelmed with sadness…for those girls, for that man, for the
enormity of it all. I swear, my heart bursts and I have to get home. I have to feel the balance of my family to know that there is a love I can hold onto….I don’t blame God for any of this. I don’t blame anyone, really…I just felt so very sad.
I’ve been really working hard, lately. Teaching writing classes, talking to folks about helping at risk youth, planning benefits with different organizations, being the cookie co-ordinator for Lily’s troop (which, although crazy making, is fun accounting!)…grocery shopping, cleaning house, trying to keep up with the phone and emails…playing with our new mice, Stripes and Racer…trying to work out as often as possible at Curves (what an amazing place! I LOVE IT!)…
I’m also working on organizing time to go back in the studio, to write songs, to be creative. I just want to make new music. I ‘m so bored with myself. I want to dance. I want to make songs that make you dance. I want to feel sexy and shine on the stage with a glorious sweat that is inviting and fun and frivolous.
I want flowers to bloom in my yard. I want to bake pies. I want to sit with George Bush and talk with him, really be able to ask him “Why” and “How” and “What” and “Where is this taking us” and “What will be the results”. Why can’t I sit and talk with the president?
I want my brain to hush.
I keep listening to William Shatner’s new album with Ben Folds. God. It is so invigorating. Could that Matt Chamberlain be any more brilliant? Could William Shatner’s voice be any more convincing? Could Ben Folds have made a more fantastic album? I love it. I drive around with it blaring full volume, windows down, feeling free and enjoying every moment of that music.
I tried to listen to the Mosquitos. But I have to keep reaching for William. He brings me relief, he makes me laugh.