And now: A play with my brain, Roger

I love grapefruit. I forget about it. I’m going to eat it more often.

Same with steamed spinach. What awesome stuff! Fresh steamed spinach…I don’t know why I am not eating it three times a day.

I had a dream last night that I was holding a tiny, white cardboard box that contained individual loose jewels…my mom’s diamond from her engagement ring, for one. And I kept getting bumped into, or my hands would start shaking, and the box would drop, and all these little shiny jewels would scatter on the floor and I would PANIC. I was scrambling, trying to find them all, especially my mom’s. That one in particular was very precious to me. I think I was trying to get to someone or somewhere with these jewels, but I just kept dropping them.

Then I found myself awake, and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I was trying to get my brain to STOP. My brain was just churning and croaking and blah-blahing, like it had this entire room full of conventioneers attending inside my skull and it was driving me coo-coo.

I would turn to this side or move my pillow or sigh or stretch or pray or get mad at my brain and nothing was working. Then I was thirsty. But I didn’t want to get up. You know what I mean?

I’m just laughing. I am! I am sitting here at this computer, laughing out loud. What can possibly make a brain talk to itself?! What strange part of the brain says,

“Ok, fellas, let’s GO!”

And then ideas just start zooming around, paper airplanes trying to get my attention. But my brain already has my attention…it’s in my HEAD. What more does my brain want from me? Is my brain
needing some extra alone time with me? Does it need me to take it on a vacation and stroke it and say, “There, there, my good brain…just relax…”

I think my brain has gone on without me. I’m looking in, watching and hearing it work, but it has decided,
“This body is TOO SLOW for me. I’m outta here!” Poor brain. It doesn’t understand we are tethered together until death do us part. Maybe I should name my brain.

Maybe I will name it “Cassandra.” No, that’s not right….This sounds NUTS, but I think my brain is a BOY.

No, not a boy. A man. Well, wait. Maybe it is kinda like a boy-woman brain. Yea. A boy-woman.
So, let me think of a good boy-woman name.


Well… ROGER comes to mind. I realize no woman has ever been named ROGER, however, Nancy Drew has a best friend named GEORGE and my friend Brad has a girlfried named CHARLIE, so why not “Roger”?

Roger. Hmm. I like it. Ok, tonight when my brain decides to have a party, I’m going to have a little chat with Roger. We’re going to have to have some boundaries set, like so:

Me: “Roger, during the day, it is perfectly fine for you to run and play. You may feel free to create and talk amongst yourself, but at night…”

My brain: “At night…what? What at night?”

Me: “Roger…look. Don’t act dumb. You don’t even need for me to have this conversation. You know what I am going to say before I say it because you are the one making me say it so let’s just stop this game, shall we?”

My brain: “You are no fun whatsoever.”

Me: “You are wearing me out.”

My brain: “No, you are not wearing me out enough. I want a hat.”

Me: “What?!”

My brain: “You heard me. I want a hat. With a big, pink, fluffy feather on the side.”

Me: “No hats. I don’t want a hat and this has nothing to do with hats.”

My brain: “You will do what I say.”

Me: “Uh…I don’t think so, ROGER.” (accent on my brain’s name)

My brain: “Yes, you will. Or I will never let you sleep again.”

Me: “Oh, like that’s a threat! Ha. You already never let me sleep. In fact, now you have me writing about it on my blog. Do you think you’re clever? Do you think I care? Cuz let me tell you, we are sleeping tonight and that is final.”

My brain: “You can’t make me do anything. I make you do everything.”

Me: “Silly brain. Just listen to me, not you. You see, if you don’t STOP IT RIGHT NOW, it won’t matter.
If you don’t hush up and rest, you will start losing it. You’ll start getting bored with yourself because you’ll just be making up gibberish from lack of sleep. You are a powerful brain. A good brain. A brain with a lot to give. Don’t throw that all away! Don’t turn me into a ninety year old raisin before my time. Let me sleep. Let US sleep. Slow down. What’s your rush? Can’t you see the pain you are causing the rest of us, your breathren, your body? Come on. Shut up and let us have some peace for a change.”

My brain: “I am not speaking to you. If you are going to speak to me like that, don’t expect me to help you on Lucas Miller recording today.”

Me: “Oh, come on.”

My brain: “I’m serious. You’re bossy.”

Me: (Rolling my eyes.)

My brain: “I know about that.”

Me: (Rolling my eyes again.)

My brain: “Stop it!”

Me: (Rolling my eyes and going to take a shower.)

My brain: “Get back here and have more ideas now!!!”

Me: (Logging off.)

One Comment “And now: A play with my brain, Roger”

  • Gene


    Hmm… like Laurie Anderson says:
    “I don’t know about your brain- but mine is really bossy.
    I come home from a day on the golf course and I find all these messages scribbled on wrinkled up scraps of paper.
    And they say things like: Why don’t you get a real job? Or: You and what army? Or: Get a horse.”

    Darn those brains. They like to push you around. It’s about time to push back, don’t you think?

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