Sara’s brain, Roger, interviews Sara
Roger: So, here we are. Together again! (smiles, chuckles to himself.)
Sara: Hey. I thought this was a serious interview. We just watched “50/50” and you cried. Then you said you had an idea, that we should come home and I’d answer your questions.
Roger: Roger that. I did. I’ll stop fooling around. However, I may not stay on track, I might dabble in a little tom-foolery now and then.
Roger: Ok, let’s start with the basics… What are you thinking about right now?
Sara: Well… I am thinking how I thought I upset someone who said it had nothing to do with me and why did I always think if they are upset I had something to do with it? Why does it always have to be about me…
Sara: Yea, it made me think. It didn’t hurt so much as it felt like… Ok, this person is right. I’ll not make assumptions. If they are upset, I’ll just ask, “Are you upset?” And then I’ll go from there. If they want to talk about it, I will listen. If they say they need to be alone, I’ll be cool with that.
Roger: Yes. I can see how you are wanting to do that. Since I know you better than anyone else, I know your intentions are wanting to do the right thing, and sometimes you screw up.
Roger: Does that scare you? Making people upset?
Sara: Well… I certainly don’t want to make anyone upset. And I don’t like to feel the feelings I feel when I feel I’ve upset someone. But, really, I just want to stop trying to understand so much. I want to just be. There’s where I want to be. In the be.
Roger: I’ll work with you on that.
Sara: Thanks. Thank you for understanding.
Roger: Sure. It’s no sweat.
Sara: I have to laugh at you, Roger. I get what you are saying… double entendre and all. You can’t sweat. That was a good one. (smiles)
Roger: Ok, so let’s move on. You had a rough day?
Roger: How did it start?
Sara: Lance made me eggs, juice and toast. You remember that, right? I noticed we had run out of salt, and Lance said, “Oh, I’ll refill the salt shaker over the sink.”
Roger: It’s nice that you remember the things some people might not notice.
Sara: Lance makes it easier and easier to notice how kind he is.
Roger: Yea, I like how he makes us laugh. He’s dead on with his sly wit.
Sara: Word. So true.
Roger: Well, what else about today?
Sara: You know.
Roger: Do you want to talk about it, here, in this box that people can read from?
Sara: Since we’re already sharing ourselves for anyone to read, I’d don’t mind.
Roger: Talk about the shot.
Sara: It hurt.
Roger: (in a sympathetic tone) I know it hurt. It hurt a lot. I like how you tried to think of green grass, of anything but the pain.
Sara: It’s weird to get a shot in your hand.
Roger: It’s good you don’t have to use your thumb when you type.
Sara: Yea, but it sucks that it’s the thumb I play guitar with.
Roger: Does that scare you?
Roger: How does your hand feel now?
Sara: It hurts. It’s numb.
Roger: Have faith. You’ll be able to play guitar by Thursday. Be brave. I’ll help make your thumb come back to life.
Sara: I believe you. You can be pretty wise, you know? Although, sometimes you can be a headache. I wish you’d warned me about this ahead of time. I wish you could have said, “Your hand is overworked. You need to rest your hand.”
Roger: I made it start hurting five days ago. Remember? Lili even said it might be a spider bite, that it could be serious.
Sara: I remember. And I remember the look in her eye. Her concern. She seems so grown up now.
Roger: Well, it’s good that you went to the doctor today, you got the shot, your hand is inflamed, tired. But it will come back to life. Lance was there. He knows. He can remind us if we forget.
Sara: That’s the best. That he was there with me. I can ask him for help… and he always stands tall. He’s my John Wayne.
Roger: Hmm… I would have thought we would compare him more to Colin Firth, as we have in the past.
Sara: Yes, forgot. He is more like Colin Firth. Forget the John Wayne comment, although I guess John Wayne was an ok guy. Upstanding and all. I never watched his movies. So, I can’t really say. But I see a lot of bumperstickers on cars that seem to like him a lot.
Roger: Are you tired?
Sara: Yes, I’m going to go to bed.
Roger: Yes, I’m right with you on that. Are you glad you can sleep now… after so many years, half your life, being an insomniac?
Sara: What do you think?
Roger: I think I know that I think much clearer thanks to the rest. Thank you for getting help for that, too.
Sara: Again, credit to Lance for helping to find the right doctor.
Sara: Hmm. Anything else?
Roger: What’s it like when you fly?
Roger: Do you get scared?
Sara: Not really. I used to, like if the plane would drop, suddenly, forty or fifty feet or whatever, I’d grab a hold of the person’s hand next to me. But now… Now I just… well, it’s all good. I have faith in the pilots, and I feel ok about it all. No matter what happens. I can’t control the plane, the weather.
Roger: Do you get scared, alone, driving out on the road?
Sara: I didn’t think about it until, I dunno, I think last year. It came to me that I’ve been all over the country, parts of the world, traveling alone. I could disappear and no one would know. But… It’s not what I think about. I think about the adventure of it all, the cool people I meet, how my show will go. I think about calling home, or sending a postcard. I get excited about diners, and meeting waitresses and eating home cooked meals. I mean… it’s what it has been. I have some scary moments, but… I made it through. I’m here.
Roger: Any regrets?
Roger: Like what?
Sara: Well… like the fact that I can only utilize 8 or 9% of you when I wish I could experience, say, 20%. That would be cool. But I guess that’s not a regret. That’s a curiousity I have. So… regrets. More about upsetting people, boyfriends that didn’t work out. Being mean, or unkind. Forgetting to follow up on something. Not having a better relationship with loved ones who’ve died.
Roger: You’ve had a lot of people die.
Sara: Yes. But… I suppose everyone has. We all lose people we love. You can’t escape it. Still, I can imagine the last goodbyes I didn’t get to say.
Roger: Is that why you say “I love you” so much, even to strangers?
Sara: Yea… you never know. Make it good while you can.
Roger: How was your walk with Jen this morning?
Sara: Jen’s consistent. She’s warm sunshine. I like her face. It’s beautiful and kind. Her eyes are so blue. Blue marbles. It’s nice when we have time to spend together.
Sara: I try to be a good friend, mother, wife.
Roger: I know.
Sara: I try to think, well, YOU try to think, but sometimes… it’s hard. The brain is doing one think and the heart is doing another think, sometimes I can mesh them in the middle. There’s so many options. I’m really trying to figure out which option to take.
Roger: Read any good books lately?
Sara: Yes, I read books Lili suggests. They are always interesting. The latest one I read was called, “The Enemy”. It was scary. I liked when she told me about “The Hunger Games”. Those were amazing.
Roger: Do you think anyone has read this far?
Sara: I have no idea. Hardly anyone comments in here, but it’s nice having these conversations with you.
Roger: It’s better since I stopped yelling at you. (Winks internally, but Sara sees it. I know because I’m Roger and I wrote this. See?)
Sara: There you go.
Roger: Ok, next question. What’s been hard this year?
Sara: Getting sick in the spring.
Roger: I got sick with you. But we got well together, too.
Sara: Yes. I didn’t want to talk with anyone about it. I didn’t. Lance and the doctors and the family. Only they knew.
Roger: But, then, today… we found out a lot of people knew.
Roger: How did that feel? Can we talk about that?
Sara: Well. I guess… ..I guess it surprised me. I guess I’d thought only a few people knew. I didn’t tell many people. Some of my best friends, friends I cherish, friends I’ve had all my life, I didn’t tell them.
Roger: That was hard. You like to share, you’re so transparent.
Sara: I know. I didn’t want to make it hard on my kids anymore than it was.
Roger: But now you know.
Sara: Yes. And… I think… well, I feel… I think and I feel that it’s probably ok to talk about now.
Roger: Well, you haven’t really talked about it other than saying you were sick in the spring.
Sara: That’s talking about it.
Roger: True. Let’s stop there. I’m glad we’re well. Let’s keep working, keep living, keep laughing and being grateful.
Sara: Ok, as long as you’re with me, who can be against me? (smiles)
Roger: Do you like your managers?
Sara: Oh, yes. I geniunely think that they are smart. And I think they get me. I don’t know. It’s weird, it’s hard to believe that they took me on. But… it feels like a validation. I feel validated in this funky industry after feeling like…
Roger: Like what?
Sara: Like… I dunno… like I have been trying to do the right thing for so long, rolling a log up a hill, having it roll backwards, but getting back up and trying over and over. Now… I feel like… There’s people who want to push me up that hill. Walk up with me. Help get the log out of the way. It’s new, it’s been a long time.
Roger: Gene has been there for you. Mike C. has been there. Marty, Lance, your mom…
Sara: True, and Charlie, too. He has been supportive: first as a fan, then my A & R guy at Shanachie, then my friend, now my friend and my booking agent. That’s been 15 years. That is so weird.
Roger: What’s wierd?
Sara: All of this. All of this. Making music, recording it, playing live… then the entire process repeats itself. Over and over. I always think I’m going some place… not a physical space, mind you… but… Like… I’m going to reach this place of complete confidence, I’m going to write a really important song.
Roger: You have, you do, you are.
Sara: Yes, that’s what you keep telling me.
Roger: So, see, I’ve been with you longer than anyone, like I said in the beginning of the interview.
Sara: I want you to know how much I appreciate you being my brain. I’m a goofball, I say smart things, I say dopey things, I laugh so hard I cry… . I cry because sometimes I just get choked up on life, how powerful and big it all is. But… you’ve stuck with me. I want to tell you I love you, even though I know you knew this before you helped me type it. I just think it’s good to say, “Good job, Roger. Thank you. I love you.”
Roger: Coming from you, and, frankly, me, it’s means a lot for us to talk to me that way. I thank you. I thank me.
Sara: That is so cool how you do that.
Roger: I know. I’m the Harrison Ford of brains.
Sara: I think I’m an Ewok.
Roger: You’re hilarious! Quite true, actually.
Sara: Let me ask you some questions.
Sara: I think we should write a book. How do YOU feel about that?
Roger: I think it sounds delightful, and exciting… .and like it would take a lot of time and effort.
Sara: I think we could do it.
Roger: Ok, I’ll sleep on it.
Sara: Next question. Where do you come from?
Roger: I can’t tell you.
Sara: Why not?
Roger: Because then you’d know.
Sara: What? What would I know?
Roger: You know.
Sara: Uh… no I don’t. If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking because I’d know.
Roger: Well, it’s not going to happen. It’s too hard to explain. I personally can’t handle how big it is… so, you’ll just have to wait. Either you’ll get it, or, when you transition into the great beyond, you’ll find out then.
Sara: It won’t be dark there?
Sara: Have you been “there”?
Sara: Then… how did you get “here”? Inside my head.
Roger: I came with instructions.
Sara: Hmm. I have to let you think about that one for me. Another double entendre from you. I’m too tired to sort this one out.
Roger: Anything else?
Sara: Not really. I mean… there is more to talk about. But… we have time. Right?
Roger: Lots of time.
Sara: Will you help me write more songs?
Sara: Will you slow me down if I get too caught up in things?
Sara: You’re a very kind brain, Roger.
Roger: I think we already covered this area.
Sara: Am I narcissistic to talk to you like this? Does this seem right to you?
Roger: I think more people should take time to know their brains. We’re not just sitting up here, like a fan in an attic, whirring away. We’re working hard so you don’t have to! Ha ha ha! How was that one?
Sara: Pretty good. I like those scrubbing bubbles. My dad knew the guy who came up with the concept. He came to our house in the seventies and gave me A WATCH with scrubbing bubbles on the inside. Man. That was so cool. I wish I still had that watch. And my Pee Wee Herman watch… Coolest watch EVER.
Roger: You give stuff away, what do you expect?
Sara: I don’t like having stuff. You know. Seems like there is more and more stuff in the world. I have noticed that right across from “outlet malls” there are storage units. Ever notice that? Doesn’t that seem ridiculous? People are buying cheap crap and then driving across the way and putting it all in storage. And outlet malls are really stores now. And sales are going on all the time, there’s nothing special about a sale anymore. I miss gumball machines that were only a penny. Someday, well, that’s the kinda stuff that would be nice to have in our home. And a photo booth. And my Pee Wee Herman watch.
Roger: How about silk sheets?
Sara: No. Those are so weird. Even if I shave my legs, it still feels like I’m going to rip them to shreds… the sheets, I mean. Not my legs. Plus, those sheets are so slippery. I actually fell out of a bed one time. Slipped right out. Woke up on the floor!
Roger: I remember that. Boy. Bump! That was nutty. I’m gonna have to agree with you about silk sheets.
Sara: Roger, let’s stop.
Sara: Goodnight. Thanks for the interview.
Roger: Happy to be here with you. Goodnight.